On a warm summer's eve On a train bound for a Portland I met up with the writer We were both too tired to sleep So we took to tradin' One zine for another He took a hard look at mine, And he began to speak He said, "Kid, I've made a life Out of readin' people's zines Knowin' what the words were Before I turned a page So if you don't mind me sayin' I could tell just a few things For a taste of your whiskey I'll help you set your price" So I handed him my bottle And he drank down my last swallow He asked about my copies And how much I pay each time So I told him what my cost was And his faced lost all expression He said, "If you're gonna scam the system, You gotta do it right You've got to know when to hold 'em Know when to fold 'em Know when to walk away And know when to run You never count your copies When you're still inside the building There'll be time enough for countin' When the scammin's done Every zinester knows That the secret to survivin' Is knowin' what to throw away And knowin' what to keep 'Cause every zine's a winner And every zine's a loser And the best that you can hope for is an interview on NPR And when he finished speakin' He gave me five more zines He said that I could keep them He had plenty more I looked at what he gave me And I asked how much it cost him He just went and shook his head And said it was an easy score You've got to know when to hold 'em Know when to fold 'em Know when to walk away And know when to run You never count your copies When you're still inside the building There'll be time enough for countin' When the scammin's done You've got to know when to hold 'em (when to hold 'em) Know when to fold 'em (when to fold 'em) Know when to walk away And know when to run You never count your copies When you're still inside the building There'll be time enough for countin' When the scammin's done You've got to know when to hold 'em Know when to fold 'em Know when to walk away And know when to run You never count your copies When you're still inside the building There'll be time enough for countin' When the scammin's done

Zi-ii-ii-ine, zine zine zine Zi-ii-ii-ine, zine zine zine When I want to, write some words When I want to, get myself heard Whenever I want to, all I have to do is Zi-ii-ii-ine, zine zine zine When I go out, to a show And I see friends, they have to know Whenever I see people, I will give them A Zi-ii-ii-ine I can make a fold, the best you'll ever hold Anytime night or day Only trouble is, gee whiz I'm zinin' my life away I need zines more, than food or drink I love zines more, than people think Whenever I want to, all I have to do is Zi-ii-ii-ine, zine zine zine Zi-ii-ii-ine I can fold a crease, as smooth as lightning grease Anytime night or day Only trouble is, gee whiz I'm zinin' my life away I need zines more, than food or drink I love zines more, than people think Whenever I want to, all I have to do is Zi-ii-ii-ine, zine zine zine Zi-ii-ii-ine, zine zine zine Zi-ii-ii-ine, zine zine zine

Got cartridge, in printer An opinion I'm gonna voice it Creation I feel creative Gonna make you, make you, make you notice Got paper, and a long arm stapler Been typin' Distro leaning No reason just seems so pleasing Gonna make you, make you, make you notice Gonna use my tape Gonna use my ruler Gonna use my gluestick Gonna use my scissors Gonna use my fingers Gonna use my, my, my imagination 'Cause I'm, gonna make a zine Like nobody else can No one like me I'm special, so special I gotta have some of your attention give it to me Got reviewed I can't wait to see Got new orders so sweet Got something I'm mailing to you Gonna make you, make you, make you notice Gonna use my tape Gonna use my ruler Gonna use my gluestick Gonna use my scissors Gonna use my fingers Gonna use my, my, my imagination 'Cause I'm gonna make a zine Like nobody else can No one like me I'm special, so special I gotta have some of your attention Give it to me 'Cause I gonna make a zine Like nobody else can No one like me I'm special, so special I gotta have some of your attention Give it to me

It seems like yesterday But it was long ago I'd go make some copies, spending most of my nights With a friend of mine who worked down at Kinko's And the secrets that we shared All the copies that we stole Got caught one time, and it was no good So many copies each night, we were outta control And I remember what she said to me How she swore that it never would end Then we looked down at the the copies Wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then We had bad margins We were printin' with bad margins We were young and dumb, and we were printin' With bad margins The years rolled slowly past And I found myself alone Surrounded by strangers I thought were my friends No copy connection and no one to help me fold And I really had no choice Too many copies for me to hold I was living to run and running to live Never worried about paying or even how much I owed Making eight zines a month, for months at a time Breaking all of the rules that would bend I never seemed to notice in that frame of mind Where the end of my sentences might end With bad margins so many little zines with bad margins I found myself seeking help from bad margins (instrumental -- I just want to take this time to really emphasize to all you young zine-makers out there exactly how important it is to be fully aware of exactly how much space you have on your paper Give yourselves room, shrink it down if you need When even one word is cut off, even one letter, Well, the whole story can be ruined. And that, in turn, can ruin an entire zine. After all the hard work you've put into this project, the last thing you want is to fuck it up at the copy machine. Run off one copy, check your margins, and make adjustments. Come back later for a bigger and better print run. You'll be happy you did.) Well those drifter's days are past me now I've got so much more to think about Deadlines and commitments What to leave in, what to leave out I don't need bad margins I'm still regrettin' those bad margins I'm older now but still regrettin' the bad margins Well I'm older now and still regrettin' The bad margins The bad margins The bad margins Stop printin' Gotta stop printin' with bad margins Stop printin' Just stop printin' with bad margins Stop printin' printin' with bad margins printin' with bad margins See the young ones print Watch the young ones print Watch the young ones printin' They'll be printin' with bad margins Don't let the zinesters print Don't let the zinesters print They'll be printin' with bad margins With bad margins ...

I, I got a new life I'm totally DIY now, I'm so glad How could a person as cool as me hang out with you? Why, why do I bother? You read mainstream magazines Oooo, is enough, enough I saw the zine and i opened up the zine I read the zine Life is intriguing, if you just start reading I saw the zine and it had such great design I read the zine No one's gonna help you out to get into the life where you belong But you still pronounced it wrong Enough with the TV For so many years we followed awful shows How can existence like that bring me joy Enough with the radio Where I hear people I don't know Is enough, enough I saw the zine and i opened up the zine I read the zine Life is intriguing, if you just keep reading I saw the zine and it had such great design I read the zine No one's gonna help you out to get into the life where you belong But you still pronounced it wrong Oh, oh, oh, oh. I saw the zine and it opened up my mind And I am happy now better believe it Happier than you, ooohhh I saw the zine and it opened up my eyes I read the sign No one's gonna help you out to get into the life where you belong I saw the zine- I saw the zine- I saw the zine I saw the zine- I saw the zine I saw the zine- I saw the zine- I saw the zine And it opened up my eyes I read the zine

Every night I hope and pray A zine lover will come my way Someone with beautiful eyes Who knows how to make a pocket-size 'Cause I want (yeah-yeah, yeah) Someone (yeah-yeah, yeah) To call (yeah-yeah, yeah) My friend (yeah-yeah) I want a zine lover So I don't have to zine alone Zine lover, where are you With some scissors, oh, so true And a stapler that I can use Any time I get the blues 'Cause I want (yeah-yeah, yeah) Someone (yeah-yeah, yeah) To call (yeah-yeah, yeah) My friend (yeah-yeah) I want a zine lover So I don't have to zine alone Someday, I don't know how We'll make, a split zine Some way, I don't know how We'll start a zine library zine lover, until then I'll write some more zines again That's the only thing to do I make a lot of zines it's true 'Cause I want (yeah-yeah, yeah) Someone (yeah-yeah, yeah) To call (yeah-yeah, yeah) My friend (yeah-yeah) I want a zine lover So I don't have to zine alone zine lover, until then I'll write some more zines again That's the only thing to do I make a lot of zines it's true 'Cause I want (yeah-yeah, yeah) Someone (yeah-yeah, yeah) To call (yeah-yeah, yeah) My friend (yeah-yeah) I want a zine lover So I don't have to zine alone Please don't make me zine alone I beg you don't make me zine alone No, I don't wanna zine alone

When I wake up, well I know I'm gonna be I'm gonna be the one who goes to a zinefest And when I go there, yeah I know my zine will be It will be better than all the rest And when I get there, yeah I know I'm gonna be I'm gonna be the one who shows my zine to you. And while explain', well I know I will explain Everything that this zine can do for you. But I would sell 500 zines And I would sell 500 more Just to be the one who sold more zines Than anyone ever sold before When I'm workin', yeah I know I'm gonna work I'm gonna work until this zine of mine is through And when the money comes in for the work I do I'll just go and write another zine or two. When I come home (When I come home), I'll have a new story And I'll make sure that I write everything down And if I grow old, well, I know I'm gonna be I'm gonna be the oldest zine-maker around (in town??) But I would sell 500 zines And I would sell 500 more Just to be the one who sold more zines Than anyone ever sold before Write a zine now!(Sell a zine now), Write a zine now!(Sell a zine now), Da-da-da dun-diddle un-diddle un-diddle uh da-da Write a zine now!(Sell a zine now), Write a zine now!(Sell a zine now), Da-da-da dun-diddle un-diddle un-diddle uh da-da And when I'm lonely, well I know I'm gonna be I'm gonna be the one who writes another zine Because no matter, no matter what happens You can write a zine about anything When I go out (When I go out), well, I know I'm gonna be I'm gonna be headed to another zinefest And when I come home (When I come home), yes, I know I'm gonna be I'm gonna be completely sold out of my zine I'm gonna sell more copies than you have ever seen But I would sell 500 zines And I would sell 500 more Just to be the one who sold more zines Than anyone ever sold before